Just go with the flow

What He’s Thinking On Your Second Or Third Date? 

I’m sure it comes as no news to you that a man can be doing all the things that say he’s interested in you, but still say he’s not ready for a relationship or “anything serious”.

It’s one of those things that drive women crazy.

What’s worse, he can do all kinds of things with you from hanging out to getting physical, but he won’t communicate what he’s really feeling... until after he decides things “aren’t working”.

Frustrating, right?

You didn’t even get the chance to know or talk about what was going on inside his head.

How in the world did he think things were supposed to end up working? Were you supposed to read his mind!?

The problem is that women try to read TOO much into their early interactions with men, which then leads them to think that after the first few dates, they’re in what is called the “instant relationship”.

“When a man asks you out for a second or third date, all it means is he’s interested in getting to know you better, because he felt a good connection with you on date #1.”

That means women often think they’re in a relationship with a man when he’s still feeling things out and probably doesn’t have “relationship” anywhere on his radar. So what IS he thinking on those first few dates? Here’s the deal.

What Dates 2 and 3 Mean to a Man

When a man asks you out for a second or third date, all it means is he’s interested in getting to know you better, because he felt a good connection with you on date #1.

It doesn’t mean that he necessarily wants to be “exclusive” or is thinking “serious relationship.” He’s still just getting to know you.

He’s enjoying your company, having fun, and starting to wonder about you.

Meanwhile, you’re already thinking ahead to the next few months when this is the ONLY man you’re seeing and things are “serious”.

You’ve already made a decision about this guy, and you don’t even know him that well yet. All you’re doing is going by your “gut feeling” and the chemistry you feel when you’re with him.

So you start acting on that “feeling” and you begin to make certain assumptions about what’s going on between you.

This can send a really bad “vibe” to a guy, especially when you assume you’re going to be seeing each other every weekend, when you express your annoyance with him when he doesn’t call you more often, and when you assume a monogamous relationship instead of actually discussing it, then get furious with him when you discover he’s still dating other women.

This is when a guy will pull away, sometimes for good. And you’re left wondering, “What happened?!”

Put Some Testosterone in your tactics girls

Do you ever feel that you are stuck in a rut in dating? Or even stuck in a rut with your life? We can all from time to time, fall into a Groundhog Day lifestyle where we are aimlessly and mummy like going from day to day and week to week. When this happens, it effects all areas of our life - whether single or dating, being stuck in a rut is detrimental. In particular, it can have serious consequences if single because, we just lose interest and become negative. And that's why girls, we need to change our dating tactics and date like one of the boys. 

Men fantasise about having women hanging off each arm, so they fulfil this fantasy by multi-dating (seeing several girls at once). Men don't go into a relationship thinking "this is the one", instead they think "this is a fun way to spend the evening". For a change of pace, I think we need to follow their examples. Keep expectations low and see different types of men before falling in love.   

Variety is the spice of life and hanging out with a host of hotties will help you in a wealth of ways. Firstly, it'll charge your confidence which means you'll attract a host of even more potential partners and prevent yourself from focusing on just one. For example, if you're sitting waiting on a text from the guy you saw on Friday night, you'll be less likely to come across as desperate, needy and clingy because your mind will be now distracted by the guy from the gym that you're about to go on a date with.

Do try and keep your dating diary simple. Never arrange two dates on the one evening. It'll just lead to complications and confusion, especially after a few glasses of Pinot Grigio if you start telling the accountant how sexy you find his Garda uniform. Also, never take a date to the same bars - again it'll just lead to confusion. If you become a success at the multiple dating, keep a simple little diary of where you went on the date, what you wore (just so you don't show up the following week in the same outfit) and just some brief notes about the date.

Unless you've lied to your dates, there is no need for you to feel bad. Dating was designed to be commitment free. If it wasn't, you'd be boyfriend and girlfriend after the first date. When you're seeing several men, you are simply road testing them to see which one could last long term. When and if they dreaded conversation of "where are we going comes up" you'll have to be honest and admit that you are not exclusive but enjoying the way things are going with that particular guy. If your men don't ask, there is no need to say anything the likelihood is that they're doing the same thing. 

Once you've mastered the art of multi dating, it won't take you long to find the one that fits the bill and make you want to ditch the others. But, once you are exclusively dating - DO NOT RETREAT TO YOUR OLD WAYS. Think back to when you were dating - your time was limited - you had a life - and you weren't needy. So concentrate on having fun - relax, enjoy and see what happens.

Are We Over Sharing?

Are you over sharing?

We've all had those conversations with our girlfriends.... You know the ones that start with "OMG you won't belief what (insert boys name here) did....!". But whilst you think divulging your biggest relationship secret is helping you deal with minor problems, you could actually be causing bigger ones.

Chatting about boys and sharing relationship problems with your friends is what us girls do. It's part of our DNA. Get a group of girls together and it s a pretty sure thing that within 10 minutes, a boy and something 'unbelievable' or 'unfathomable' that he's done will be the chat topic.

There are definitely positives to sharing. It can help you see things from another perspective and it can help get rid of that stress from holding it all inside and driving yourself crazy from playing a chat over and over on your head and trying to work out why it (that last message/his decision to go out with his mates instead of you) happened or what it means. But don't be fooled that the good outweighs the bad when it comes to over-sharing. Discussing everything about everything can cause some serious downfalls. You need to be careful what you say and how you say it, otherwise you could find yourself in a situation where your bestie hates your guy and refuses to go out if he's going - all because after a chat with him you decided to forgive him for having lunch with that flirty girl from his office, while she still thinks he's a complete moron for doing it. And if you forgive that guy who got a bit carried away on a lads night out and got friendly with a girl, will your mum be so understanding? Unlikely. She'll probably hate him forever. Of course you need to share your life with your friends, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a friendship. But when it comes to relationships, there are something's you should never share. Here's why.....

They may hate him - there will be times when you'll just want to rant and vent because your guy is being annoying or spending too much time with his mates and none with you. But when you start going into specifics you're playing a dangerous game. Your family and friends only want the best for you, so if your guy starts to look or sound bad, they will start to dislike him.
They will NEVER forgive a cheater - if some,one cheats on you and you bin them, go wild. Tell ALL of your friends of now much a scumbag he is. But if you're working it out, NEVER tell your friends that he misbehaved. You may forgive him because you love him, but your friends love you, so they never will.
They'll get bored - your boyfriend didn't send the text "Hey listen, sorry about earlier....can we chat tonight?" to Mary Jane and Sabrina, so do they really need to see it? NO! Keep all mails and messages away from the eyes of your friends. Well away. They'll probably get bored and by default begin to hate him.
They won't be able to help with the big stuff - complaining about your guy to your friends is a bit like going home to stay with your parents once you've moved out. It's fine with small amounts but too much can be bad. If you keep telling about daily bickering your friends will eventually just wonder why you don't dump the jerk and move on.